Hold My Hand
by Piggyspud
Summary: Tanaka sees the same nightmare again and can't sleep. Satou is kind enough to let him sleep with him. (Tanaka's POV, contains smut)


I had that nightmare again where I was in the laboratory. I couldn't see what was happening around me but I heard those familiar voices. I smelled my own blood and even though I screamed, no sound came out. I swear I heard them laughing at my pain. _Those bastards_. They must had enjoyed their job. I tried to call out my ghost but it was no use. I was too scared and weak to do anything in that dream. This was the only nightmare I had and it never changed. Fortunately I always woke up.

I was covered in cold sweat and my breathing was heavy. I sat up and held my head in my hand. I looked at the time and it was 11:35 pm. I had slept only an hour. I was glad I didn't cry or scream in my sleep. That would had woken up the whole warehouse. I was getting better at dealing with that nightmare but it wasn't enough. I got off the bed and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When I got to the door, there were lights on. I thought it was Gen or Takahashi eating a midnight snack. I opened the door and there was Satou. He was sitting around the table and playing with his console. It wasn't surprising. Satou liked to play his game late until he got sleepy or bored with it.

He had seen me coming in and he took his gaze out of the game. He gave a little wave and smiled: "I thought you were already sleeping."

"I just came to drink some water," I answered and took a glass. I poured cold water in it and drank all. Satou nodded and continued playing. I sat down opposite him and watched him play.

"You can't get sleep, huh?" Satou said.

"Yeah. I saw that nightmare again."

"You're still having nightmares about the past? I thought it was getting better," he looked at me with concern. I shrugged as an answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Nah, it's the same dream as always. Nothing isn't different in it. I just want to forget it."

"It's good to hear you're moving on. I remember how you used to scream and cry out for help in your sleep. You were quite a mess months ago."

I remembered it too. It must had been annoying to Satou. I always called his name and he came to my room to calm myself down. He let me cry against his shoulder and he even gave me tissues. I was like a baby. It embarrassed me that Satou had to take care of me until I learned to cope with my pain by myself. He had a lot of patience with me and I was grateful for him. He never got angry at me for crying or getting depressed all the time.

"I'm so sorry for waking you up those nights. It must have pissed you off at some point," I said.

"I don't judge you. Your emotions were a natural reaction to trauma. I'm a patient man and I knew you would get better as time passes," a sound of defeat came from the game," Ah...I died."

He shut the game and put the console aside.

"I don't know...I feel like I have to thank you somehow. I haven't done anything for you," I said.

"But you have, Tanaka-kun. You're my helpful partner and that's the only thing I need from you."

"I want to give you something..," I looked at his console," I know! I can give you a new video game."

Satou chuckled," That's very thoughtful, but I don't want you to waste your money on me."

"It's not wasting money if it makes you happy."

He gave a genuine smile this time. Satou smiled a lot but I could tell it wasn't real. But he faked it well and everybody believed him to be harmless. Satou was a great actor and good at manipulating other people. I wasn't an exception to him either and yet I trusted him. I knew I couldn't never betray him, no matter how terrible he was inside.  
Satou got off the chair and walked beside me. He laid his hand over my shoulder and I looked up at him.

"I'm going to sleep now. If you want, you can sleep with me. It's not like we haven't slept on the same bed before," he offered and I got embarrassed.

"That's very kind but I think I can sleep on my own nowadays..."

"Are you sure? You slept better with me and I remember you once asking me to hold your hand," Satou chuckled at this and I couldn't help my blushing. Why he had to remind me of it?

"T-that happened once only!"

"I think it was cute."

"Eh?!"

"No need to be embarrassed. I'm only teasing, Tanaka-kun." Satou let go off my shoulder and was heading towards the door. He turned at me and gestured me to follow. I hesitated a bit but did it anyways. Sleeping with Satou wasn't bad and I never saw that nightmare when he was there beside me. He walked behind the corner and opened the door into his room. I followed him inside and went straight onto his bed. It was bigger than mine and comfier to sleep in. I got under the blanket and turned myself facing the wall. I wanted to give Satou privacy when he was undressing himself. Soon he got next to me.

"Is there need to hold my hand now?" He asked with amused tone.

"Shut up."

He laughed at my comment. I wasn't looking at Satou but I sensed him watching me.

"Well...Good night, Satou-san."

"Good night and sweet dreams, Tanaka-kun," he said with gentle voice and shut the lamp. It was time to sleep but I wasn't tired at all. I stared the wall in front of me couple minutes and turned my side. I faced Satou. He looked peaceful when he was sleeping. I don't know why I kept watching his sleeping face. I wasn't sure how old Satou was but I assumed he being in his 60s. He was actually quite handsome and charming. I liked Satou and the more time we spent together, I found myself getting more attracted to him. I was scared that I might fell in love with him at some point. I wanted us to be close but not too close. Sounds complicated but I had a bad feeling about Satou's plans and what I was to him. Did he see me as a sidekick or as a friend or something more? What if I wasn't nothing special to him?

I shook my head to stop overthinking. Satou's hand laid on the pillow and I looked at it. I put my hand on top of it and held it. His hand was warm and holding it made me feel safe. I closed my eyes and hoped to see a good dream this time. I was ready to fall asleep until I heard Satou whispering:

"You should have just asked to hold my hand, Tanaka-kun."

I opened my eyes immediately and saw Satou smiling. I was glad that it was too dark to see my cheeks turning shade of red.

"I-I was too ashamed to ask..."

"You don't need to get bashful around me. We have known each other for months now. Am I making you nervous?"

"I don't always know how you react... I know I can be clingy sometimes."

Satou gave a gentle squeeze on my hand and spoke," I don't care if you're clingy. I might not show it, but you're important to me too."

He moved closer and I tensed. Satou gave out his free hand and stroked my cheek. My heart was pounding faster in my chest and it was getting hot under the blanket. I didn't want to make any sudden moves and get rejected but Satou's movements were quite obvious. He placed the hand on my back of the head, and I didn't get time to react, when he smashed our lips together. The kiss was slow but forceful and his hand kept me in place. I kissed back the best way I could since I hadn't kissed anyone in long time. Satou had moved his other hand around my waist and it was a strong grip. I tried to ignore the pain and focus more on kissing. I parted my lips for him and he entered his tongue in mouth. Satou pulled my hair while he ravished my mouth and I tried my best not to make any embarrassing sounds. I wasn't sure what to expect from him. Satou was a killing machine on missions and he had told me that he liked to kill, so he being heavy-handed wasn't a surprise.

It went on for a few minutes until Satou pulled away. We both were out of breath and slightly sweaty. He didn't let go of my waist but he did let go of my hair. I rubbed my scalp and he looked worried.

"Were I too rough?" Satou asked.

"I can tolerate with pain, it's alright..."

"I'm sorry, I got way too carried away with you. I like to be a little rough to make things exciting. Don't you agree?"

"Uh... It can be nice sometimes."

He held my chin to make me look straight into his eyes," Be honest to me... Are you a virgin?"

I was taken aback with the question. Of course I wasn't but it had been so long from the last time. I had been with girls and once with a guy but it had been only a short affair. I was curious at that time.

"No, but-"

"Then we don't have problems."

"What?"

Satou lifted my chin up and leaned his face against my neck. He bit down hard and I groaned in pain. He was giving me bite marks which hurt like hell. I felt blood run down and he licked every drop away. I heard him hum in satisfaction.

"When you're not a virgin, it means I don't need to hold back with anything," Satou had darker tone in his voice and I didn't like it.

"I wonder how many rounds you can take," he continued.

"Even sex is a game to you, huh? You never change..."

"Everything is a game to me, Tanaka-kun. It makes life much more fun. There's just different rules in sex. In the battlefield, you try to kill as many enemies as possible. In sex, you can choose your goal. In my younger days I tried to get laid a lot."

I found it funny to think younger Satou hitting on both women and men for fun. I thought about until it made me feel uncomfortable. It sounded like he didn't care about people's feelings at all. He wanted only sex, or not even that, he wanted a higher score like in a game. But he was younger and today he wasn't a player type of man anymore.

"Did you reach your goal?" I asked with curiosity.

"Hmm, I could say so. It was fun but not as fun as fighting and playing video games. There were no real challenge around," he answered while his hand wandered down to my crotch. I was about to say something to him, but Satou was quick, and he pulled my briefs lower before I could open my mouth. I winced to his bold move but I didn't do anything to protest. Satou was prepared to take things further and I didn't want to ruin everything by being shy. He played with my pubes until his hand moved over my dick. My body reacted instantly and Satou cocked his eyebrow at me.

"Tanaka-kun, are you sensitive down here?"

I nodded and looked away. He wrapped his fingers around my member and gave a gentle stroke. I bit my lip and hid my face against the pillow. His touch was nearly careful but it was enough to make me hard. He kept stroking my dick with slow pace and was giving kisses and bites on my neck. He wasn't forceful this time and he wasn't holding me in place anymore. That warm feeling was growing inside my stomach and my legs were twitching. I was already getting close and I couldn't hold my moans in. I put my hand over Satou's head and pulled him away from my neck.

"S-Satou-san..," I called his name.

He grabbed my hair and I could hear the desire in his voice as he spoke," Say my name..."

My embarrassment had disappeared and the lust filled my mind. I moaned his name more as I was on the edge of orgasm. I lifted my hips up and came over his hand. My whole body shivered and soon it became numb and relaxed. Satou pulled his hand off my dick and there was white cum dripping down his fingers. He gave a lick on it and hummed. He put his hand close to my open mouth.

"Lick it clean for me," he ordered.

I did as he said. I licked and sucked his fingers clean as he watched with his smug smirk on his face. It was lewd to taste myself but I liked it. I licked the last spot clean and he patted my head.

"Good boy. Now it's time to sleep," Satou said.

"But..," I glanced his bulge," What about you, Satou-san? I can do the same for you."

He kissed my cheek and smiled,"Next time, okay. We need sleep for tomorrow."

There was going to be more of this? I wasn't going to ask anymore questions and I only nodded. I pulled my briefs back up and Satou put the blanket over us. We looked at each other one last time and Satou held my hand. I smiled and held his hand back before we both fell asleep.

I saw a dream where I was in the laboratory but I could move and see with my eyes. There were no blood or scientists in the room expect there was Satou sitting in front of me. He was smiling like usual. When I looked around, the room was gone and we were in the forest. The sun shined above and the birds were singing. Satou walked close to me and spoke:

"Shall we go, Tanaka-kun?"

"To where?"

"To your new home," Satou offered his hand. I grabbed it and walked after him through the forest.

 _I was free._


End file.
